I’m so bad at blogging! My intentions are always there but I always make excuses to not write: too busy, rather watch YouTube, rather read my gossip blogs…yeah…solid excuses I know!
Well the school year is over now. And with that comes the fact that I am now just jobless and with no clue as to what I am going to do this summer. It’s been kinda lonely lately with alot of people moving out/away/going home or starting work. I realized that I don’t think I want to work here in Paris this summer. Like even if I get the job I last interviewed for, I don’t think i’m going to take it. Why? Well I mean yes I know taking it would be the responsible thing but I just know that I won’t be that comfortable with the whole French thing. I’m just not that strong. I just don’t think I can get over it. As much as my head tells me that I should learn French, my heart just doesn’t seem to be into it. I mean look, I’ve even been meeting random strangers to have language exchange but everytime I meet them, I just physically can not spit out any French! I don’t know what is wrong with me. I just can’t express myself. It’s frustrating to say that least but also just embarrassing and depressing to have to admit that I am just not strong enough to overcome this weakness of mine. I thought I could handle coming to France and throwing myself into this situation but honestly, I couldn’t and I didn’t. I’m going to be more proactive in learning French this summer but I don’t think I’ll hold my breath in turning into a French all-star.
It’s been pretty lonely lately and it’s gotten me thinking about having someone in your life. I think these kinds of thoughts become more prevalent when you are alone but it definitely gives me something to think about. Like I can admit that I wish I had someone who I can always call and hang out with. I was walking alone around Paris today, and while the experience was (marginally) made easier by the fact that I was strolling along the Champs Elysee, it would still kinda lonely and depressing. It’s scary tho to think that my attitude on something like this can be so easily changed by the simple fact that I have been just on my own the past few days. But I guess these thought were bound to come up sooner or late. This bird isn’t getting younger and I guess it’s that time in my life that I would start thinking about this.
Don’t get my wrong, i have great friends here who have been awesome. They all came out to celebrate Canada Day with me and I have to say, this was the most awesome Canada I’ve had in a LONG time! We rocked out The Great Canadian Bar here in Paris and it was nothing short of legendary! I think it is safe to say that my friends all have a bit more respect for us Canadians now and we just had a blast! I’m thinking of applying for a job there when I come back for my next year at school :) I’ve always wanted to work in a bar! But friends can only do so much…it’s nice to have someone there all the time. But like I said…it’s just a situational feeling…